Updated: Feb 8
This blog topic hits deep and is an issue that I have been dealing with my whole life and has greatly affected my personal self worth perception. The feelings of being "Left Out: or :Uninvited" can be very painful feelings. I want to give hope and support to those who also deal with this feeling, and positive ways to help change our minds from the negative to the positive. I want to connect those who feel left out, so we can come together and be support for one another.
Have you ever felt "alone" or "left out" ? Maybe in school you were that person who never really had a clique. Maybe you struggled to make friends. Maybe now you are a grown adult still struggling with building relationships and feeling lonely. let me reiterate something here....You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you.
You are amazingly special.
We are meant to belong, it is our primal instinct and in our DNA to stay in groups, to socialize to "belong". It's the very same instincts animals have, like baby sea turtles, after they hatch they somehow know to go to the ocean to thrive and survive. Or the many groups of animals that travel and stay together...We are all embodied with these instincts and it is completely normal to feel hurt when we cannot achieve our primal goal of belonging.
When we feel left out it hits us and creatives an emotional pain like no other. A little background here and transparency, Personally, I have dealt with this is many ways. As a child, I can say being raised by one parent, I always felt "left out" by the other parent and this created feelings of not belong and not feeling good enough. Through high school, I always excelled in any sports or academics, but I never had a specific group of people who truly made me feel invited or apart of the group. As you can imagine, this also made me feel like I wasn't good enough as a young adult and the feelings naturally followed me into my adulthood.
As a high schooler, I battled many mental and emotional episodes, and despite how I felt not good enough I would go out of my way to please others, only to have my self worth tank emptied more and more and more.
Through my adult years, I noticed any form of rejection, just hit so hard emotionally, that it was almost unbearable to go through. I suffered job loss, career loss, relationship loss. So many forms of rejection, and again, how could I not feel like there was something wrong with me?
To this day, Being a business owner, having a heart to thrive and hustle, I find being alone, and feeling left out a day to day norm. I remember one night I started crying, and when I talked with my husband about it he said, he was reading a leadership book "The Greatness Guide" and this is a normal feeling for those who are natural born leaders....but hubby, I don't want to be alone. I began to realize, this is something that I battle from my childhood.
You started a new job, but you go on social media, and someone else starts a job and they get so many people you know personally too who didn't congratulate you....but they cheer for them.
You have a desire for friendship, and have opened up to many men or women in your life, only to find for some reason, they don't reach out to you.
You started your own business, yet your very own friends and family don't support you.
You see your closest girlfriends get together, but didn't invite you.
Whatever circumstance and harshness you are facing, I get it and understand your pain.
What is the answer? Take a deep breath, It's not a pretty or simple answer.
A lot of this despite our trauma comes from others dealing with their own behaviors and thoughts like Jealousy. Envy. Competition. These are not words or actions of love, and when we really think of those who have done us wrong, they are hard to see. A lot of people you know, find it really find it hard to see you happy, successful and thriving. Yet, we strive to know and feel their love. The key is not to focus on these things, because no matter what, we cannot change how people are. It is inevitable that people will always have some negative feelings, especially if you are someone who is uniquely and beautifully made by someone who is just waiting to give you all the love and acceptance so you can be FREE.
Maybe you were in a long-term relationship where you were mentally or emotionally abused. Maybe your spouse chose other things over you , over and over. As a child maybe you were left out by a parent. Trauma has so much to do with our self-worth and can follow us into adulthood. Subconsciously we can be ruining our own relationships by acting/behaving negatively. Maybe you had a parent not chose you, Maybe you had a parent abandon you. Now as an adult it is so important you take that power away from whomever mistreated you. They do not deserve your energy. You deserve happiness. Can you imagine what it would be like to feel happiness and whole again.
God is all you need. And a good therapist.
Each time I struggle and go down the depression and anxiety hole, I come to the realization, it is every time that I don't put my hope, faith and trust in God. I allow others opinion and treatment to justify my existence and meaning, where when I turn to god, I start feeling complete and whole.
This happens EVERY TIME. I dig back into the word, go to church and start feeling so much better. I am here to make the change permanent because I am tired of feeling so torn, depressed and anxious. I want to wake up everyday and not feel like the world is against me. I know you want to feel that too, and you deserve to live a full life of purpose and meaning. To feel accepted to feel invited in, but it's first important that you are not reacting in self destructing behaviors.
Imagine for once in your life you can breath and wake up each day without those feelings of rejection and hurt, or caring what others think? God has all the answers and acceptance we need and more. When we start to focus on the word, and the true love God has for us, nothing else matters. Those opinions and reactions of others fade away. You start living your life in peace. You get to break up with anxiety and depression. Are you ready for a fullfilling life and to have the acceptance you've longed for?