Understanding, learning and adapting the idea of self-love changed my perspective and opened my eyes and heart to real-genuine love - ya know that mushy love that lasts a lifetime.
My past isn't full of fairy tales and happy love stories. It's full of pain, hardship and trauma. From being a little girl, I was missing the most important thing in my life- a healthy relationship with my biological father.
My mother did the best she could, and she will always be my hero for how much she has given me and sacrificed to make sure I had anything I needed...But the missing relationship with my dad, affected all my relationships and it took me nearly 28 years to understand and accept it so i could learn to love my true self & open my heart to the love I've always desired.
Recognizing your pain/struggle so you can make a change today.
Your pain comes from somewhere..mine was the little girl without her dad
I felt like I could never truly be myself. My dad missing from my life from his choice, made me question if i was good enough ( in anything i did). It made me settle for relationships that were toxic- just so i could have and feel something. It made me feel like i was unlovable and i didn't deserve love, since my dad couldn't love me. It made me scared to be who i wanted to be, because i was so so scared of being rejected.
I was the little girl her who wasn't good enough for her dad, how could i be good enough for anyone...
The idea of not being good enough left me in relationships with people who weren't good for me or good to me. It also provoked behaviors that led me to hurting others around; Using others for temporary feel goods. On the other side- I was constantly in those kind of relationships where the person you love just doesn't love you the way you need to be loved. We all have certain needs when we love, and if the other person doesn't love like us- or love the way we need to feel loved, it will cause tension.
You know when people say " you need to love yourself first before you can love another" or "if you only loved yourself you would see your worth and wouldn't settle with those dirt-bags...." GUYS THESE ARE SO TRUE.
Lets explore the idea of self-love: Self-love is the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual connection that we have with who we are. I truly believe its how we know happiness (besides knowing and having a relationship with God) If you simply don't know happiness inwardly, how are you supposed to show happiness outwardly? If you don't appreciate who you are, appreciate your journey, truly know you have talent and so much to offer...How will you ever find someone that will see the good things about you? If you don't love you, how can you have any positive relationships with anyone...even God?
I'm here to tell you something important- YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS.
Many of us have not found our true inner spirit...Many of us are still hiding because we are scared for the world to judge us. Many of us have talents that are so beautiful and valuable, but because of something we've went through..we are so scared to truly discover who we are. Many of us have settled in relationships, accepted less than we deserved, let people take advantage of us, been scared to have a voice and opinion in our jobs...It's time time to rise up, and take charge of your happiness. You can choose to live this same life you've been living, or you can choose to live a life full of genuine happiness (with a care-free not scared of being judged- attitude)
The time to start is NOW- I started learning the idea of self-love in a toxic relationship.
It took me nearly 5 years on-and-off of this toxic relationship before i could even start to think about the idea of loving who i was and being able to accept my past and move forward. It took me 5 years of being scared to have an argument or scared to voice my opinion because i was scared of being left. I was so tired and so exhausted of being miserable. I was so tired of fighting with my fears. I wanted to know and learn happiness.
The First Steps to Healing.....
Now lets get to the nitty gritty stuff- How can we change so we can know the happiness we desire. First, change the things you don't like about yourself...because you have to like yourself, Right?
Physical, Mental, Emotional & Spiritual Healing
Being Active- Being Happy with how you Feel about Yourself.
Personally, I wasn't happy with the way my body looked. Not that I really cared about what anyone else thought of my body, but personally I just wanted to be look better and have more energy so I started working out. I would recommend getting involved with yoga, or a group fitness class, spending 3-4 days a week on your workouts because..they make you feel good.
You learn to stop being so critical about yourself and learn to appreciate your body when you are accepting yourself. Remember we are trying to be more positive with our thoughts and how we feel about ourselves.
Spending Time Alone- Learning Mindfulness
Being alone made me really think about my demons. It really challenged me mentally. I spent time alone because I wanted to learn what it was like to be alone and be happy- because all i had known was being in a relationship and being defined by another. Reading books especially self-help and devotionals, allowed me to gain more knowledge and recognize some behavior patters so i could change. I started to learn to be mindful- acting more on what I wanted, instead of how others expected me to act.
Protect your being: Changing your Circle or Setting Boundaries
This is huge to your success. You could be surrounding yourself with people who aren't good for you- and that will be huge to your growth. Spending time alone will help you realize who is truly there for you, but if your group of people aren't supporting your change, or rather indulging in unhealthy behaviors that could tempt you- than you will need to either eliminate them from your life or temporarily from your process while you work on you. These people will tell you this is selfish of you- It is not selfish. You want to grow and they want to be stuck. It's that simple.
I once read something that you are most like the 5 people you spend your time with. I could not agree more with this so make sure your 5 people are good people who can encourage you, love you, support you and motivate you.
It's time to do the Self Love thing (Insert Sass Emoji here)
Do things that are good for you. Simple as that. Maybe its redecorating - Create a positive environment where you can grow and nourish that beautiful soul of yours. Get organized to make life easier.
Feed your body with things that are going to help you feel good and give you the energy you need- Prepare healthy meals for yourself. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation so that you are being budget friendly and not letting food go to waste.
Address any health concerns- we all know when we are sick, it takes away from us being our best so if you need to, schedule regular physical, dental and mental health check-ups to put you on your the road to being your best.
Do the Damn thing- Put yourself together so that you feel like the beautiful person that you are.
Set Goals & Have Hope
Give yourself the time you need to heal- a lifetime of hurt and pain does not heal overnight. Know that you will have vulnerable and weak days, but the key to moving forward is being open to your partner about your pain and working together through it as a team. Keeping an open form of communication is key, so that you can continue to work through the little moments and truly understand triggers.
Simply have hope. There is someone out there that will give you the love you desire, and there is someone out there who is looking for the love you give. You have to believe this and continue positive thinking and continued healing.
Thanks for reading :)