How to Overcome Rejection and fuel your mind to be your best and most authentic self.

Updated: Jan 10, 2019


if you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection." - lecrae

Rejection is tough. Its that feeling of not being good enough. It's the fear of failing...sometimes over and over. But when you take rejection, try to understand it and use the negative to fuel your mind and body, you can overcome it to be your best and most authentic self.

You really liked someone. They didn't like you the same.

Someone tells you they aren't attracted to you...ouch.

You married the love of your life. They cheated on you.

You worked so hard at a job. They fired you.

You always do so much for someone. They never see it or appreciate it

You have your own business. The people closest to you don't support you

You applied to a college or university. They didn't accept you.


I know you are reading this right now because you have been rejected in some way, maybe its been by a job, coworker, lover, family or friend, but in whatever way you have went through rejection, know that it is apart of life. Everyone will go through some sort of rejection in some point of their life. The key to surviving a world which is never ending & seemingly constant, is being able to defeat the thoughts, so you can continue to push forward and be successful.



1st Step- It's about Science

Understanding how our brains process rejection

According to many articles and booked I have read, research states that when we are rejected, our brains react the same way as we are going through some sort of physical pain. WHAT- That's pretty intense.


When we are rejected. our brains release a chemical that helps us get through the trauma ( I am saying trauma since our body acts like some sort of physical harm). This chemical differs in every person, some people have a higher level of this chemical secreted that will aid in the intensity, BUT everyone's brain reacts the same way. Why I shared this is, I want everyone to realize, just because someone you know has gone through something and come out positive in a short time, does not mean that you will heal the same exact way.


We are all unique, and we all will have different time frames of healing. That is so crucial to understand because I feel a lot of us will compare our lives to others, especially when we are rejected which only makes it harder to recover from it.


Read more about the study here: https://themindsjournal.com/rejection-like-physical-pain/


Step 2: How we react to RejectionEmotional & Mental


The guy that you've been seeing, out of the blue tells you its not working...its him not you.

or....

your boss likes your idea for a new product, that you worked really hard on, but tells you they want to go a different direction...

or...

you get that dreaded phone call that you didn't get the job that you were dreaming of and worked REALLY hard for.


Although these are all different experiences, they have a lot in common. If you've been through rejection of any sort the first thoughts you think of related to DENIAL....and the denial doesn't even start right away, because our bodies are still trying to process the mental pain of being shut down. That feeling being accepting that we weren't a pick. OUCH.


It's completely normal to internalize rejection. It's okay to be sad and show emotion, because as humans, this is one of our biggest fears- being denied, being rejected. We were born to live for something; to be apart of something, to feel connected to eachother...and be successful, and to be with people who make us happy. When those things and people don't choose us, its hard because we start to think ...ready for it.... WHY


Why am I not good enough? Why didn't that person like me? Why didn't he or she choose me? Why cant he see my talent? Why cant they see my passion? Why Why WHY.... We could ask WHY all day long and never have a clear answer. It's like we never have closure when we are rejected. Hearing someone tell you they aren't choosing you in some way is hard to forget or move forward from. It's embedded into our brains and now, we have some sort of insecurity, and sometimes we let this one experience affect our future opportunities.


We start to really emotionally internalize the experience, and start relating it to our character. We start questioning our talent and our schooling. I know because I've been there. If you've ever been rejected in a relationship, you know that we compare ourselves to others and start looking for ways to change ourselves to be accepted. I am here to tell you something . STOP THAT.


I have been rejected numerous time. I have been laid off work, fired from two jobs. dumped, chosen over, cheated on more times than I can count ( laughing about it now). This one thought is what helped me to overcome the negative emotions, and start I am here to tell you, everything is going to be ok. One thing I've learned is rejection is never really about you or what you have to offer....you can have the most talent and still be picked over.


Ready for the honest truth....IT'S THEM.

There i said it. It's the truth and its the only thing that helped me move on from one rejection to another.

If you really think about it, we are surrounded by people with different upbringings, education and experiences. We may be taught the same process, but maybe someone doesn't choose us because of some little small trigger or bad experience he or she has had in their life.


How true is it, that we make decisions on things that have 1- either worked in the past...because lets face it, it feels safe to stay the same, and it feels like normalcy to keep the same pattern or 2, We make decisions based on things from our childhood or 3, we are followers and maybe make decisions on what is most popular instead of what is good for others or us.


Maybe that boss that didn't value you, actually didn't value his or her self. Maybe that boss suffers from a high form of narcissism, and actually ITS A BLESSING, you didn't get that job. Maybe that family member chooses jealousy and competition because he or she never had someone appreciate them and you get rejected, not because they mean to make you feel that way...but because they haven't worked through self acceptance yet.


Maybe that guy is a player, and lets face it, you cant change a man...he is ready to settle when he is ready, so bless your heart honey that he didn't choose you or you would've known a time of heartache and hurt.


Rejection is honestly the best thing that can happen to you. Yes, I just said that. I know it hurts and its not fun, but I believe when we are rejected, that person or circumstance wasn't meant for us and they don't see our value...JUST YET. Yep, I said it, because a lot of times, when we use rejection to grow, we learn that sometimes, we take rejection in at such a high emotional level, because we too face some sort of insecurity about ourselves. We can learn and grow and evolve from it, and be our best selves...but how do we do it?


The Comeback- Use that pain and hurt as fuel for your heart and soul.


You need to realize that you are talented and you deserve to feel accepted. Just because someone didn't see the value in you, doesn't mean you are valuable. You have things that no one else has to offer. You specialize in things, that no one else can specialize in. You need to use that hurt and anger to simply work in other ways to KEEP BEING YOUR BEST. You need to continue to see the value in yourself.


When i am rejected by friends or family who choose other photographers, I get sassy ya'll.

I literally say...WELL I'LL SHOW THEM. and i continue to work hard to do things to stand out and get noticed. I know, one day i'll be so good that the people who don't see my value now, will see my value then, and i will serve them with love in my heart and a smile on my face.


SO get angry... but don't show your anger or let it make you bitter


Write a list of things that set you apart. Keep this list in a picture frame by you bed and dresser to remind yourself daily of the reasons why you have value. This will help you not get in that rut. Maybe when you are writing your list, you realize you want to grow some more professionally. Get so involved in working on yourself, that you don't have time for any negative thoughts. Keep working on yourself to improve your knowledge and take more courses to feel on top of your game.


The goal here is to be so confident in your value as a human, person and professional is being able to see the value in yourself...so the next time you feel rejected, you can say..It's okay, this wasn't mean for me and something better is coming.


You have to have that hope and faith that something better will come along. Personally, and Professionally...every-time I have been rejected, I have had WAY BETTER opportunities come. So start believing it, and don't let it start you to keep being a better version of yourself.


Ideas to help fuel your mind to being your best self-

Fitness to help defeat negative thoughts and release tension/stress

Audio Books- read your favorite book that will set your mind free

Podcasts- for daily encouragement and motivation

Seminars- about leadership or something you are passionate about

Extended Training- become specialize in something

Spending more times on things that make you happy

Volunteer- Help others so you can see how fortunate we really are

Network- Build connections with people so new opportunities arise.



Lastly, this is my favorite quote


" The biggest hurdle we will face is rejection...be ready for it. The difference between SUCCESSFUL people and UNSUCCESSFUL people is the successful people do all the things the unsuccessful people don't want to do. When 10 doors are slammed in your face, do to door number 11 enthusiastically, with a smile on your face."
- John Paul Dejoria

"


and a pick me up-




Thanks for reading!

- Steph








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